Marriage stories Chapter 5: Persistence.

Many of my friends/relatives are getting married but it's either a really traditional marriage or I don't have enough details. So this will be my last marriage story till further notice. It's not really interesting but worth mentioning.

I couldn't find photos/drawings/cartoons that suit the story so I'm just gonna throw 2 random funny ones the start telling the story:











Our character in this story is T. S. Al-A. We shall call him T.

I did not live the story with T. He just gave me all the details few weeks before his wedding.

Sheikh T was in his 3rd year in SQU. for the past 2.5 years he has been studying/working closely with one of his female colleagues. He liked her from the beginning but kept his feelings inside. He thought he would get closer then bring up the million Rials question. He later told me that it was a big mistake to follow that approach.

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Place: Lab 101

Time: 5.05 pm. Right after the lab session was over.

T and his lab partner made a breakthrough in one of the experiments and got the appreciation from the instructor. After everyone left T thought this was the right moment to pop the question. T didn't go into the details but he gave me "El zibda"*. He told the girl that he really likes her and that he's interested in her. She rejected him. Again, T didn't tell me how she did, what she said or even why she rejected him.

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T was shocked. I can't imagine how he felt but he said that even he didn't know how he felt exactly. Frustrated? Sad? Disappointed? All of the forth mentioned? All of that and a million ideas went through his head at the same time. Following "the incident", T got a bad taste in his mouth and marriage was something he neither believed in, nor wanted to talk about. He saw marriage as a negative thing. He even saw women as a negative thing. The insensible man inside him kept telling him "If she rejected you, then who would say yes. everything was perfect with her. she gave you all the positive vibes". I met T during that period. I absolutely HATED him because he was always rude to girls. He would insult guys and girls in public if he sees them talking to each other. He was the guy that would publicly tell you that you are doing a wrong thing, and even if everyone knows it's not wrong, the way he says it makes it sound wrong.

My approach with T was "ib3ed 3an el sharr oo '3aneelah"**. I would keep my distant and in any encounter with him, whatever comment he throws at me, I would laugh and walk away. I didn't even pay attention to what he says and would keep doing what I'm doing.

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Months passed, activities/events were organized, and as our big annual exhibition was approaching, me and T were getting closer because of all the work we had to do together. I also started noticing that he became a better person. Could it be because he started knowing me better and maybe that made him realize that people usually have good intentions? As much as I wanted to flatter myself, I felt there was something else affecting him. After 2 years of meeting T (That's 4 years after "the incident") we became good friends.

Ok I guess to understand the story; we need to go back 1 year. T's close friend who's married never gave up on him. He kept telling T how marriage is a good thing once you find the right person and how you can't see the word in one way because of ONE bad experience. He finally convinced T to consider marriage again. T friend's wife had a friend who she really admires. The married couple thought of playing cupid and hooking up T with that girl. As much as hesitant T was, he thought he'd give it a try just to please his friend.

T thought the girl was interesting based on what he heard from his friend. There were couple of phone calls here and there and the frosting on the cake was a photo of the girl :P

What do you know? They liked each other! A lot.

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T was determined. He told his parents and they were happy about it. They decided to go to the girl's family house to propose. They were from different town and it would take them 3.5 hours by car to reach her house.

Nothing is perfect in this life. Nothing.

T was rejected again. This time it was the family. however, it was no surprise to him.

The girl told him her family is the type that will only let the women marry their cousins, no one else, not even relatives that are not direct cousins.

That didn't stop T from trying. His family went again, and again, and again. They were rejected 4 times. T never listened to the people telling him "Why this girl? there are many out there, all of them would agree from the first time". T said: "I want that girl, and I will marry that girl". To go propose the 5th time, T didn't just ask his family to accompany him, he also asked people from other close families. This time they were more than 25 men. All dressed up in full traditional clothes, including the Khanjars*** and the Khaizarans****. They all went to her family's house. They got the approval.

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"Wow. I never thought that proposing more than once would actually change people's mind. Specially the families that only believe in cousins' marriage" I said commenting on T's story with a dorky smile on my face. T said the only thought going through his head was marrying that girl. "No" was not an option for him.

T is now married and has a beautiful daughter.

End of Blog Entry...

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Note: If some of the events don't make sense, it's either because I skipped some details or because I don't remember all the details.

Glossary:

*Zibda: Butter. It's used as "conclusion" in this context.

** a proverb means stay away from problems

***Khanjar: Dagger

**** Khaizaran: A stick made of bamboo wood.

Marriage stories Chapter 3: N.S. Al-A: Depression followed by a relief.

The story of NA was one of the most depressing marriage stories (which ended happily) I ever encountered with one of my friends.


NA was a very close friend of mine during my middle years at uni. We were in the same student group, took classes together, car pooled and spent most of the day together. It was easy for me to notice when he started liking one of the girls in our students group. Why wouldn't he like her? She was a smart, pretty girl and they fit in perfectly. You would know that because NA never tried impressing that girl and he was just being himself and she liked him for who he was and vice vera.


Two years after meeting the girl, NA confronted her telling her that he wants her to be more than just a class mate and a friend. He was also completely honest with her and asked her if she has any,,,,,,,,,, what's the word to use here? ummmm "confliction" in her roots? meaning her ancestors were "byaser*" or "5adam*". She assured him that she is not and that it's his right to ask around and check it through friends/family/hometown people. After talking to his parents and they were sure she didn't have any of the mentioned above in her roots, NA called her brother to meet. The meeting went fine, they had a small meal and the brother knew his sister is going to be in good hands.

One day one of NA father's friends was having dinner with them and NA's father asked him about the girl's family. The friend's reply was rather surprising. "Yes! they are Bayaser! everyone knows that! you don't want her for NA!"

Till now I still didn't figure out why would someone do that. Was it envy? hatred? trying to show-off with his tribe knowledge? or just being an ass? Because it was clearly a lie since NA's family have already made a background check on the girl's family. And what was even more surprising was NA father's reaction. He told NA that everything is off and that he can't marry the girl ! NA spent days (and I remember them like they were yesterday) trying to convince his father that he should not just take the words of 1 person against everyone else but his father would not even think about it.


I remember that the days that followed were very tense and I didn't even dare to ask NA about what's going on. One day he called me and I was in a lecture @ uni:

"NA: Amarant come pick me up from home I need to go to the bank.
me: Ummmm NA I am in a lecture. Can I pick you up in an hour?
NA: no I need you to pick me up now. I will tell you about it later.
me: ok I'm on my way."

I excused myself and went straight away to his house. He had a suitcase packed with clothes and important stuff.
"me: "what happened?"
NA: things are bad. They went beyond the marriage problem. I can't stay a single second in this house.
me: ???!!!!!!"

I didn't even dare to ask but I know that his father was doing all sort of stuff to make NA do exactly what he wants him to do. An example was an incident that happened in Uni which made us get interrogated for a whole week but I would rather not mention it here. His father was very influential and that wasn't in NA's advantage.

I went with NA to the bank where he opened a new account so that his family (everyone except his father) could send money to help him.

I can't remember exactly what happened after that except that after living several months on his own, NA was convinced by his family to settle things with his father. He did exactly what his father wanted and married a girl his father picked. I remember he used to tell me how much he hated his wife and how much did she hate him. 3 months after being married they both told each other that they were forced by their parents and NA divorced his wife. This time his father was 100% with NA because he knew it was his mistake and not NA's.



for around a year and a half, NA's idea about marriage was negative. He returned to be the funny guy he used to be but he would also throw comments like "why do you need marriage? enjoy your life, play around as much as you can then get married when you are 40 or something".

Later on, NA became a religious guy, graduated and started working at a big, respectful company. His father job was shifted to somewhere else so he rented out the house and NA had to find a place to stay. He was looking for a small apartment but it was not easy to find a cheap-but-decent one. He was then guided to this old guy who owns a building with an apartment that fits NA's criteria perfectly. That old guy refused to lease him the apartment because he wanted to keep it for his 12 years-old son when he gets married. After a long, tiring discussion the old guy agreed to lease the apartment to NA with a promise from NA that he would: 1. help the son in his studies. 2. Help the old man manage the building and 3. move out from the apartment when the son turns 20 (in 8 years). Two months after that, NA asked for the old man daughter's hands. I remember him calling me and saying: "I found a lady that is perfect for me: religious, educated and mature".


NA has been happily married for around 3 years now and has a 1 year-old son =)


I always wonder: what happened to the uni girl? The last time I spoke to NA he told me this: "What my father did was unfair but i was able to move on and live happily. I hope it's the same with her"


*Bayaser: People who used to be owned by someone else.
*5adam: Slaves

End Of Blog Entry.

Marriage stories – Chapter 1:

Ok I know this post sounds like a typical girl's post, but honestly I find it interesting how each one of my friends has his own marriage story. I will try to write a story or 2 in each post (hopefully). Don’t hate me if I write this one then stop =P

Friend one: A. T. Al-H:

A.T. loved a girl who was with him in collage so much that he proposed when he was in his 3rd year! Off course the girl's family asked him to wait till the girl graduates then propose again.

A year later, the girl's father passed away (Allah yra7moh). In his well, he mentioned that he wants his daughter to marry her cousin. The girl felt torn between her family and the man she loves. She couldn’t go against her family and chose her cousin. A.T. was devastated but respected the girl’s choice.

During the last 2 years in collage, A.T. came across many girls inside and outside collage, but none of them was even close to his lost love. Till one day, he participated in this exhibition arranged by the university. He was struck by this girl he worked with. Beautiful, sweet but have a strong personality and ambitious. Knowing that she and his cousin study in the same department, he started his investigation. She turns out to be the girl of his dreams. He liked everything about her, and she was a far relative. He told his parents and they promised him to think about it and proceed with it later on.

I met A.T. on his graduation day. His father was there to attend and we had this small conversation:

- Me: Assalamu Alaikum Abu Salim. Kaif el 7al? esh el a5bar? 6aybeen? Etc.
(Hi Abu Salim. How are you? Hope you are great, etc)

- The father: al7amdulilah, ma nishki baas, ma shay 3loom min 9obkum?
(replying to my questions and asking me the same)

- Me: el laila lailet A.T. mashallah 5ireej. 3uqbal el zoga el 9al7a.
(tonight is A.T’s night. He is a graduate. Next thing he gets a good wife).

- The father: inshallah. A. hadiyyat ta5arrujak fil bait. La tit2a5ar
(If Allah wishes.*Turns to his son* A, your graduation gift is at home. Don’t be late)

- A.T: Inshallah Aboy (Ok Father).


2 days later, A.T. Called me and told me that his wedding gift was that his family were all prepared to go to his fiancé-to-be family’s house to ask for her hand the day after he graduated =D

He is now happily married and have a 1 year-old son ;)

Next are the marriage stories of:
- A.S. Al-W: the young shock!
- N.S. Al-A: Depression followed by a relief.
- K.S. Al-H: typical.
- T.S. Al-A: persistence.


End of Blog entry.

1 Down, 3 to go!

My older brother had his wedding yesterday! =D

ohhhhh after a hectic month, finally the ceremony came, and it was nice! =D

i never felt how big this thing is, till I entered the hall with my bro, the feeling was priceless!! (and it wasnt even my wedding xD)

we walked and the guests gave us a path and started clapping (sometimes it's nice to be the center of attention)

and i couldnt stop smiling cuz in that place at that time, all the family was happy.
i cant remember when was the last time I saw my grani that happy =D

the photographer took like a thousand pics of us, then we had a small meal before heading home.

Congratulations Bro! el 3aroos lel 3arees oo el baqi lel mata3ees (aka us xD)

(oh and Congrats Mike for having your own room now :P)

(everyone was shouting at me: ur next Amarant!!) =$

1 out of the 4 of us got married, 3 more to go ;)


End of blog entry