Saturday, 6 March 2010
Marriage stories Chapter 3: N.S. Al-A: Depression followed by a relief.
The story of NA was one of the most depressing marriage stories (which ended happily) I ever encountered with one of my friends.
NA was a very close friend of mine during my middle years at uni. We were in the same student group, took classes together, car pooled and spent most of the day together. It was easy for me to notice when he started liking one of the girls in our students group. Why wouldn't he like her? She was a smart, pretty girl and they fit in perfectly. You would know that because NA never tried impressing that girl and he was just being himself and she liked him for who he was and vice vera.
Two years after meeting the girl, NA confronted her telling her that he wants her to be more than just a class mate and a friend. He was also completely honest with her and asked her if she has any,,,,,,,,,, what's the word to use here? ummmm "confliction" in her roots? meaning her ancestors were "byaser*" or "5adam*". She assured him that she is not and that it's his right to ask around and check it through friends/family/hometown people. After talking to his parents and they were sure she didn't have any of the mentioned above in her roots, NA called her brother to meet. The meeting went fine, they had a small meal and the brother knew his sister is going to be in good hands.
One day one of NA father's friends was having dinner with them and NA's father asked him about the girl's family. The friend's reply was rather surprising. "Yes! they are Bayaser! everyone knows that! you don't want her for NA!"
Till now I still didn't figure out why would someone do that. Was it envy? hatred? trying to show-off with his tribe knowledge? or just being an ass? Because it was clearly a lie since NA's family have already made a background check on the girl's family. And what was even more surprising was NA father's reaction. He told NA that everything is off and that he can't marry the girl ! NA spent days (and I remember them like they were yesterday) trying to convince his father that he should not just take the words of 1 person against everyone else but his father would not even think about it.
I remember that the days that followed were very tense and I didn't even dare to ask NA about what's going on. One day he called me and I was in a lecture @ uni:
"NA: Amarant come pick me up from home I need to go to the bank.
me: Ummmm NA I am in a lecture. Can I pick you up in an hour?
NA: no I need you to pick me up now. I will tell you about it later.
me: ok I'm on my way."
I excused myself and went straight away to his house. He had a suitcase packed with clothes and important stuff.
"me: "what happened?"
NA: things are bad. They went beyond the marriage problem. I can't stay a single second in this house.
I didn't even dare to ask but I know that his father was doing all sort of stuff to make NA do exactly what he wants him to do. An example was an incident that happened in Uni which made us get interrogated for a whole week but I would rather not mention it here. His father was very influential and that wasn't in NA's advantage.
I went with NA to the bank where he opened a new account so that his family (everyone except his father) could send money to help him.
I can't remember exactly what happened after that except that after living several months on his own, NA was convinced by his family to settle things with his father. He did exactly what his father wanted and married a girl his father picked. I remember he used to tell me how much he hated his wife and how much did she hate him. 3 months after being married they both told each other that they were forced by their parents and NA divorced his wife. This time his father was 100% with NA because he knew it was his mistake and not NA's.
for around a year and a half, NA's idea about marriage was negative. He returned to be the funny guy he used to be but he would also throw comments like "why do you need marriage? enjoy your life, play around as much as you can then get married when you are 40 or something".
Later on, NA became a religious guy, graduated and started working at a big, respectful company. His father job was shifted to somewhere else so he rented out the house and NA had to find a place to stay. He was looking for a small apartment but it was not easy to find a cheap-but-decent one. He was then guided to this old guy who owns a building with an apartment that fits NA's criteria perfectly. That old guy refused to lease him the apartment because he wanted to keep it for his 12 years-old son when he gets married. After a long, tiring discussion the old guy agreed to lease the apartment to NA with a promise from NA that he would: 1. help the son in his studies. 2. Help the old man manage the building and 3. move out from the apartment when the son turns 20 (in 8 years). Two months after that, NA asked for the old man daughter's hands. I remember him calling me and saying: "I found a lady that is perfect for me: religious, educated and mature".
NA has been happily married for around 3 years now and has a 1 year-old son =)
I always wonder: what happened to the uni girl? The last time I spoke to NA he told me this: "What my father did was unfair but i was able to move on and live happily. I hope it's the same with her"
*Bayaser: People who used to be owned by someone else.
End Of Blog Entry.